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     “Oh my God! Someone! Anyone! Help! Please!” the woman shrieked, looking around frantically as tears streamed down her face.     “What’s the problem, ma’am?” someone nearby asked, ripping off his clothes and revealing his spandex suit.     Distracted only for a moment by his unexpected outfit change, the woman pointed down the street.     “He took my purse! Please hurry! My baby’s in there!”     “Leave it to me,” he said, pulling on his mask.     She looked at him strangely. “Who are you, anyway?”     He looked back at her, smirking a little. “I&r

     “Doctor, I need you. It’s bad.”     Dr. Violet followed the nurse who summoned her into another wing of the ER.     “As you can see, his head fell off, and in the process he broke a nail.”     She grabbed the stethoscope from around her neck and pressed it to his chest.     “Alright, get me a lumberjack and a manicurist. We’re going to reconstruct a head by making it out of his foot, elbow, and stomach.” She gave the nurse a stern look. “Call Chau, and tell her to bring acrylics. She’ll know what to do.”     The nurse did as she said and went for the lumberjack and C

Dear Homeowner,      I’ve taken your cat. I will call him Benedict, and I hope he likes Friskies because that’s all I have. We will be on the run for the rest of our lives. I’m wanted in seven different states and now he is my accomplice. Therefore, if I go down, so does he. Actually, I don’t know how that works, but that’s what I’m guessing. We will make our way to Japan. We will blend with the Japanese. Become one with them. Which probably means we will have to adopt more appropriate Japanese names. I will be Haru and he will be Haruki. We will acquire suitable jobs. I could be a store clerk or perhaps w